Having control over my life is something that’s always been important to me. I don’t like change and I don’t like not knowing. However, these are two things, which are constants in life. Life is literally always changing, and we never know what’s just around the corner. I feel like this week was a huge wake up call for me, letting me know that trying to settle into college and clinging to unfulfilling constants isn’t going to bring me the peace I’m trying to find, as well as getting my head away from my own desires and recognizing life is about so much more than just myself.
On Wednesday I walked into class and was told by the director of the math department that my algebra professor committed suicide over the weekend. This guy was great, he was really funny and shared a mutual hatred over mathlabsplus (this is something that every college math student will understand.) I’ve only been in the class for 4 weeks, but it was still devastating to all of the students in the class. You honestly never know what people around you are going through. Whether it’s a teacher, classmate, or friend, we all only see what they decide to show us. I just felt like I was so focused on getting my life started at Arkansas I haven’t even taken the time to really care about others, I just keep putting my needs in front of everyone else. Life is tough and everyone has their own agendas, but taking the time to smile at a stranger, hold the door open for someone, or pay for a friend’s coffee can have the power to change someone’s entire day. We all need to be there for each other, living compassionately about everything and everyone, and I feel like the world will be filled with so much more joy. My prayers go out to my teacher’s family, he was seriously one of the smartest guys I’ve ever met, and he always took the extra step to show us how to solve problems and made some great puns.
Then, today, one of my roommates collapsed and blacked out in front of me as I was attempting to study for an upcoming test, resulting in me calling 911 for the first time in my life. Thank God she’s okay, and the EMT and ambulance came in record timing, but it was such a crazy event. Like you never know what could happen to anyone, at anytime. One minute she was talking to me, and the next she was on the ground with no memory of what had just happened. It was actually pretty scary, and luckily my other roommate was there to help as I talked to the operator, but I felt like it was another unforeseen event that shook me up and put me back in my place. Sometimes I like to think I know everything (it’s been that way since I was little) and I like to have control over everything that happens in my life, when in reality I have absolutely no say.
However, I have recently realized that this isn’t a bad thing either. When I was reading earlier this week I came across a verse that perfectly related to exactly what I’ve been struggling with:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
–Proverbs 3:5
Instead of trying to take control of my life I have to submit to Him and trust what He thinks is best for me. I don’t get to know all the answers, and that’s all apart of the trusting process. Easier said than done…. It’s for sure something I’m going to be working on now as I head into a new week with 3 upcoming tests (also first ever college tests) and a very full schedule. Life doesn’t make sense all the time and we can’t try and go back and figure out every little detail, sometimes you just have to accept it. As I take on this stress-filled week, I’m going to try to reflect on more than just what I have to get done. Taking note of others around me, and trying to maintain a positive attitude.
XOXO, Em
On Wednesday I walked into class and was told by the director of the math department that my algebra professor committed suicide over the weekend. This guy was great, he was really funny and shared a mutual hatred over mathlabsplus (this is something that every college math student will understand.) I’ve only been in the class for 4 weeks, but it was still devastating to all of the students in the class. You honestly never know what people around you are going through. Whether it’s a teacher, classmate, or friend, we all only see what they decide to show us. I just felt like I was so focused on getting my life started at Arkansas I haven’t even taken the time to really care about others, I just keep putting my needs in front of everyone else. Life is tough and everyone has their own agendas, but taking the time to smile at a stranger, hold the door open for someone, or pay for a friend’s coffee can have the power to change someone’s entire day. We all need to be there for each other, living compassionately about everything and everyone, and I feel like the world will be filled with so much more joy. My prayers go out to my teacher’s family, he was seriously one of the smartest guys I’ve ever met, and he always took the extra step to show us how to solve problems and made some great puns.
Then, today, one of my roommates collapsed and blacked out in front of me as I was attempting to study for an upcoming test, resulting in me calling 911 for the first time in my life. Thank God she’s okay, and the EMT and ambulance came in record timing, but it was such a crazy event. Like you never know what could happen to anyone, at anytime. One minute she was talking to me, and the next she was on the ground with no memory of what had just happened. It was actually pretty scary, and luckily my other roommate was there to help as I talked to the operator, but I felt like it was another unforeseen event that shook me up and put me back in my place. Sometimes I like to think I know everything (it’s been that way since I was little) and I like to have control over everything that happens in my life, when in reality I have absolutely no say.
However, I have recently realized that this isn’t a bad thing either. When I was reading earlier this week I came across a verse that perfectly related to exactly what I’ve been struggling with:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
–Proverbs 3:5
Instead of trying to take control of my life I have to submit to Him and trust what He thinks is best for me. I don’t get to know all the answers, and that’s all apart of the trusting process. Easier said than done…. It’s for sure something I’m going to be working on now as I head into a new week with 3 upcoming tests (also first ever college tests) and a very full schedule. Life doesn’t make sense all the time and we can’t try and go back and figure out every little detail, sometimes you just have to accept it. As I take on this stress-filled week, I’m going to try to reflect on more than just what I have to get done. Taking note of others around me, and trying to maintain a positive attitude.
XOXO, Em